Mah Peepz [w3rd]

I made "Hanta Claus" Christmas cards for the department. Hopefully they won't offend anyone.

Today's been weird. I kind of want to get back into modeling because I'm idiot like that. I haven't felt very attractive lately- or anytime very recently- and I'd like to see myself as, well, attractive. With the new hair, I want some pictures that come across as fierce, bold, and sexy- and not overly androgynous.
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So I've started talking on MM again and collect inspiration pictures, and as a result, am feeling decidedly unattractive and pretty much fugly. Go figure. I miss the days when I didn't need pictures to feel attractive or sexy- thank you North Carolina and my apparently fragile psyche.

We're going to try to return that stupid camera we got. We could use the extra money, and thing's picture quality is basically shit.

Decorated our Christmas tree (a potted douglas fir). It's cute.

Um. Had my first Cosmopolitan yesterday. Enjoyed it, despite the vodka. I think I just like sour, fruity drinks.

Bart's going to Corpus on Tuesday to hang out with his friends, and I'm going to lunch on Tuesday to catch up with Jared.


I want pet rats. Bart's not crazy about the idea, mostly because the possum dying hit him hard.

I left my last Luna Bar on the coffee table and Indy ate it. Now I have no breakfast. Dammit.


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Who would have thought that constantly feeling unattractive would hit me this hard? I like work because I don't have to care about my appearance- I'm useful no matter how I look. And I'm appreciated. Sure, Bart thinks I'm sexy and so forth- but it's not like he could say anything differently, now is it? And I know that's unfair to him, but he's also not really unbiased.


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I think I'm withdrawing again. And I really thought I was doing better. I don't know how I'm going to manage a week of not working. Crappily, probably.



I'm just really tired of feeling so disconnected.

I'm possibly leaving for my new home tonight, and as I've sold/pawned just about everything I own to pay off car and electric bills and all the other good money-sucking stuff that comes with moving, I'm making a last ditch attempt to scrounge some money together.

If anyone's interested in a $20-paypal commission, live, over Open Canvas (free, internet drawing program where people can draw together or just watch others), just message me on AIM ( FredrykVPhox ) tonight, and what character/thing you want me to draw, and paypal info and all that, and I'll give you a link to the program and we can possibly link up for you to watch while I draw your picture.

Just for anybody who's interested, is all.. I appreciate it.

I am exhausted and have been all week. It's been a good week though.

Bart's done with school for the year, so he's been doing stuff at home. I'm trying to convince him to take off to Corpus or Houston and visit friends before the holidays- just take some away and time off, have a good time, etc. Chris left yesterday, so we're roommateless for a while.

Work has been good, if long. Monday was pretty whatever, Tuesday was the department holiday luncheon and Jess' holiday party (ok, not work), Wednesday was Home Depot and Office Max with Dennis... got all my lizard cage supplies except jump rings. Also, we found out on Wednesday that my parasite project got full grant funding- $21,000! It's pretty damn awesome- and I think I've found the fancy $3000 scope I want. And today I spent working with the fluorescent scope, getting stuff ready to run a gel, and working on the lizard cages. I've stayed over an hour later than expected the past couple days, just losing track of time.

I keep hitting roadblocks with the cages. It's frustrating.

Um, tomorrow we're extracting DNA and doing a test run on a gel, I'm getting quotes on my scope and camera, and I'm probably cutting a lizard tail (~3hrs). Then, instead of going home (whoots, over an hour early thanks to the extra time I've wracked up) and curling up, I've (we've) got to get a little dressed up and go to Alamo Draft House for a couples thing with James and Lauren, and two of their friends.

I keep losing track of the days- it doesn't feel like it's already Friday. Just so much to do before break. I was supposed to meet Jared for lunch this week and I completely forgot- crapola.


In other news, Bart got me a Sonic Screwdriver for Christmas. It's awesome (early present). I'm going to make Shinkle jealous by carrying it around in my lab coat :-P Bart also made stockings- he's awesome like that.

We have a new snapshot digi camera. It's really pink, but it was $60. I haven't decided if we're keeping it though, as I'm not sure how much I love the picture quality.


Oh, and I've been having nightmares daily since Saturday. Apparently the whole guy beating up his girlfriend thing has caused flashbacks or something. Awesome. Probably hasn't helped my feeling of tiredness.


My appetite is finally coming back at least. That's good.


Raul got a beardie.... I'm helping him name it. So glad we reconnected! He was really sweet back in Maryland when we were both just kids (okay, 17/19, whatever- kids!), and he's still just wonderful.


I think I'm conking now.

Sometimes I wish I had the courage to act out what I think about in my mind. There were huge doubts in my mind that he would actually make it to the airport before I had to get through security in order to catch my flight. The increasingly depressing feeling that he would end up texting me saying he wouldn't be able to make it on time had enveloped me. But, he came. We talked a bit, he cracked jokes and made me wish I were staying just a bit longer. When the time came for me to head back into the line to go through security, we only hugged good-bye. It was the longest hug out of the three total. I had the thought but not the guts to kiss him. Why not? Sure, he has a girlfriend but he had expressed the feelings of iffyness involved with that.

I just need a warm body right now.

I've lived in SC on two separate occasions; once for six months and the other for a year. I've known that Bill Murray does, indeed, live in the Charleston area as well as owning the local baseball team, the River Dogs. Since knowing I've hoped to have met him, even found out where he ate on certain nights so I could have planned a convenient run-in. But I didn't.

My stepdad had informed me about a week or so ago that he was on the same flight as Bill Murray! I thought that was awesome, and was a tid jealous about it as well.

Today, my stepdad took me to the airport. He pulled up to the arrivals/departures area to let me out, and I just turned to the window to begin my exit when none other than Bill Murray walks by the car. I whip my head back to face Gene and say, "Oh my god, it's Bill Murray!" He tells me to go say hi and that he'll get my bags for me. So I do. I follow Mr. Murray as he's walking down the sidewalk, until reaching a cart. He places his bag on it and starts rummaging through it. I walk over, hesitant, and say, "Hey Bill Murray." in a bit of a questioning tone. Without looking he's like, "Hello." as if he's reassuring me that he is, indeed, the one and only. He apologizes for being distracted but he's looking for his boarding pass. Then stretches his hand over towards me to shake my hand! We shook hands! He has his license in his mouth until he finds his ticket, and starts to chat with me. We walk towards the doors to go inside and he asks me what I'm heading back for and I say school. He asks me what I'm studying, and I say "Linguistics" and he makes this noise like "Wha-huh?" so I repeat, and he does the same again...so I get he was poking fun at me. He told me to study hard and yeah. It was just amazing :)

I'm still in Charleston. I'll be seeing Monsieur Niege one more time tonight. Travis is coming in at midnight so I may go see him as well! I'm so excited! I made the right choice by not taking that 4:08 flight back to Buffalo tonight!

The half-marathon was a blast. I beat my previous half's time by 15mins! I came in at 2:08:01. 9:46pace. With only 20-day notice, and 5-days of actual training/running. I did amazing. :) Life is fantastic!

I'm doing better. Talked to Daniel, calmed down, realized I was being unfair, went to bed, woke up angry again. Talked to Bart about it, got unangryish, and am now okay but very very tired.

Um.

Doing Christmas shopping, finally. I think I found things for most people.

Apparently became controversial on FB when I snarkily said that domestic abusers should undergo citizen castrations, akin to citizen arrests (only much more bloody and much less chance of progeny). Oops?


Oh, and cut the hair super super short... like, 1 inch in the longest parts. I think I like it- unsure. Same with how it looks- I think it looks good.

We went to Freetails tonight with Chris and Scotty. When we left, I heard muffled shouting. I looked and saw a figure against a fence a ways away. Another couple was just watching. Scotty was the only one who shared my concern- Bart and Chris sure didn't. I didn't know if there was fighting or a guy throwing up, but I drove up and shined my brights. It was a guy, on top of a girl. Just as I pulled up, she got up, and he shoved/threw her back on the ground.

We got out. Bart ready for a fight supposedly (I say supposedly because he really didn't do much), and I'm on autopilot. I run and just get in in front of the guy, standing over the girl. I don't remember what I said, but I doubt it was very nice. He tried to use some excuse like she tripped in mud and wanted him- he grabbed her arm and I was about to punch him. She yelled no, got up, and started running away. I ran after while the guys surrounded the bastard that was hurting her.

She was scared, drunk, and hurt. Didn't want the cops and I didn't force it. Said it was the first time he'd gotten physical, but they'd had bad fights, getting worse. Didn't know how to deal- who does? I offered her a ride to a coffee shop or home or anywhere, but she said no. She did ask if we knew how to get his name off the apartment lease though- I suggested making a police report and talking to the apartment office, saying he had gotten physically abusive. Told her she could wait till the guy was gone to make the report if she wanted, that he never had to know. She was so- I don't know. Trying to deal. Trying not to be scared. She asked, "it won't get worse, right?" I didn't lie to her. And this guy, he's simpering in the background, ignoring us, going "come on honey, let's go home" like the fucking bastard he is. He didn't get close though, not after I told him off again and Bart fingered his knife. Drunk fucking bastard.

She followed us back to the car- gave her my number, email, and a packet of chicken noodle soup. Told her she wasn't alone. It was okay. To give me a call, an email. Said she and her cocker spaniel could stay with us. She walked home. I was going to drive through the complex, make sure there wasn't more fighting (the guy disappeared after she followed us to the car- he probably thought we were all leaving, her included, little coward- but thank goodness he didn't try to get her back from us), but it was stupidly hard to get into (had to do a turnaround on the highway that was like 4 miles away). We walked through it- heard/saw nothing.

It wasn't enough. It never is. Maybe she'll be smart and leave his ass first thing. I hope so. But I'm too cynical to really believe that. He hurt her once- he'll do it again. Maybe I should have had Bart rough him up. Maybe I should have roughed him off. Maybe I should have insisted on the cops and a report being made. Maybe I should have walked her home, instead of just watched.



It wasn't enough.

It was more than anyone ever did for me.


How fucking sad is this world?

bollocks.

wrong journal.

The clock is ticking down to 1915. 12 more minutes. One can only read so much translated scientific literature about parasites (that apparently doesn’t actually identify parasites- this whole paper is just about how they found “some”).

Michele sent off the grant proposal… we’ll see if we get any funding. We asked for about $20,000, but they’ve already doled out funding (we’re waaay after the deadline)… but even $2000 would be nice. I’m hoping we get the full sum because I really really want a digital microscope or microscope with digital output (no computer needed). <3
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Even if the Nikon rep is being noncommunicative. </3 I’m thinking about going and getting my haircut. I want to, and will before Sat… but, just, when? Bart’s got papers to write, so it’ll prolly be just me (not a bad thing, but still blagh). Maybe… I was amused earlier. I refuse to buy a parking permit so I can park right next to campus, so I park about a block away and walk in (sometimes 2 blocks- gasp!). They’ve had all these cones up on the street I usually park on, but I saw a small spot (all parallel of course). It was right behind a driveway, and I had to park between a garbage bin and another car. Now, I’m not the best parallel parker, but also not the worst, but I’m also still recovering from being sick, and so I didn’t start out that well. And two Trinity physical plant people were driving by in their little golf cart, got out, and actually moved the trash bin so I had about another 2 feet of space to work with. It was AWESOME. <3 <3 <3 Ums. Izzy found me FB (it recommended me?). Crazy stuff, but cool- she has crossed my mind several times, wondering how she’s been. I don’t really talk to Bix much anymore (or more, he doesn’t put any effort in to talking with me and I haven’t been in the mood to try much), and he’d just answer, “oh, she’s doing whatever and is fine,” anyways. Here’s to FB have weird and apparently psychic algorithms. And, 2 mins. Time to close up shop!